"I'm Still Here"
What makes this movie so important to Brazilians and why you should watch it
It's 1999. The world feels both scared and hopeful about the new millennium. On MTV the music videos are filled with spacecraft, robots and weird but sexy clothes we were supposedly meant to wear in the next phase of humanity.
1999 was also the first time a Latin American, and Brazilian actress was nominated for the Golden Globes and Oscars as best actress. The woman that accomplished that was our Brazilian Meryl Streep: Fernanda Montenegro. The movie "Central do Brasil," or "Central Station" in English, earned her a nomination.
She was listed alongside the real Meryl Streep (Hollywood god herself), Cate Blanchett, Gwyneth Patrow and Emily Watson. As Fernanda stated in an interview before the Oscars, "I have no chance. I'm in there among these divine, wonderful, blonde creatures.”
Still, we rooted for her. The country was thrilled but we also knew it was almost an impossible feat. Back then not many people watched international movies, and the Golden Globe had already been awarded to Cate Blanchett for her performance in Elizabeth, which was highly acclaimed.
And then it was time for the Oscars. Jack Nicholson announced the Best Actress winner and the entire country held its breath. "And the Oscar goes to...Gwyneth Paltrow, Shakespeare in Love"
Is he serious now? Gwyneth Paltrow?! For Shakespeare in Love?!
Adding insult to injury, Gwyneth walks up there in her pretty pink dress and first person she thanks is Harvey Weinstein? It's easy to say that this Oscar speech didn't age well.
Brazilians are salty to this day with the 1999 Oscars, leaving very angry messages for Gwyneth Paltrow whenever this story is brought up — and not underservingly. Not when she posts videos showing her Oscar as a doorstop to her garden. The Oscar that would mean so much to us, sitting there in the dirt.
To everyone, we say come to Brazil. Except Gwyneth Paltrow. Sorry, you are not invited.
But 1999 was a crucial moment for Brazilian cinema and something we still talk about today. About the pride in having our stories and struggles highlighted internationally, to be able to share who we are, to have our voices so often not heard — due to language, geography, class — listened to.
Now we have a new chance
Now, the daughter of Fernanda Montenegro, Fernanda Torres was also nominated for the Oscars and the hype is real. For the last four months or so, it has been impossible to escape Fernanda-mania online1. Just as an example, when a photo of her was posted on the official Academy Oscar Instagram, it got 2.9 million likes. In comparison, Hollywood A-listers like Willem Dafoe and Tilda Swinton have 50k likes on their photos.
Brazilians are very online and very intensely so. Whenever a foreigner says anything against us, they can expect a barrage of continuous insults for years to come. Because of that, there are many artists like Justin Bieber who seem to have a beef with the whole country. On the other hand, I would say that you can get a lot of followers and engagement by simply talking positively or posting a Brazilian flag or t-shirt — something Bruno Mars overused last year. This is something we refer to as Brazilian-bait2.
By nominating her, perhaps the Oscars intended to bait us. After low view ratings and less and less enthusiasm from the public for the ceremony, maybe they wanted a huge chunk of those 200 million Brazilians watching and talking about it constantly online. But we don't care. We just want her to win, because we know how talented she is and how well-crafted the movie is. We need her to vindicate her mom and the Oscar statue used as a doorstep.
Plus, we seem to have a better chance this time. Fernanda Torres has already snatched the Golden Globes and hopefully she will bring the Oscar home to Brazil for the first time ever. After all, “I'm Still Here” is such a powerful, difficult and necessary story to tell.
What is the movie about?
During the Cold War the US was particularly worried about communism. Not only in its own country, but also in its neighboring Latin America, especially after the Cuban Revolution in 1959. To "defend itself3” the US government and CIA orchestrated multiple coups to take elected governments with left-wing ideas4 out of their offices.
One of those coups happened in Brazil. In 1964, the military took the elected government from power. This military dictatorship lasted until the end of the cold war and became less democratic and more violent as the years passed.
Just like in Argentina and Chile (the most disruptive of all) the military in power persecuted, tortured and killed tens of thousands. The primary targets were communist guerrillas and sympathizers but also included students, militants, trade unionists, writers, journalists, artists and any citizens suspected of being left-wing activists.
Officers, generals and everyone in between would be trained in interrogation and torture by Americans and many people would simply disappear without a trace during this period.
One of those is Rubens Paiva and that’s the story we follow in the movie “I'm Still Here”. During a normal morning, the Militar Police take him to the station for interrogation without giving him or the family any reason. He never comes back. In the movie we see how this affects the family, especially because they didn't know exactly what happened with him and where he was. It would take more than 30 years for them to know for sure.
It's a harrowing story, and more importantly, very recent. My parents lived through this and the Brazilian government only held its first free election again when I was born, in 1989.
Unfortunately, Brazil is also the only country in Latin America not to criminally prosecute those involved in the torture and killings of that period. Some of the people responsible for Rubens Paiva's disappearance — the one we follow in the movie — are still free, while others have already passed away, without facing any consequences.
It is still a very contentious topic, even considered one of the reasons our first female president Dilma Roussef suffered a coup in 20165. Having fought against the military dictatorship and having been tortured herself, Dilma started a "Truth Commission" to investigate and undercover what had happened, especially in cases where people had disappeared. Eunice Paiva, the wife of Rubens Paiva and the main character we follow in the movie is one of the persons that continuously fought for the government to open up and disclaim the cases of people who disappeared during the military dictatorship.
There are also many Brazilians who downplay the horrors of this period and even defend it as a period of economic growth in Brazil — one of them being our former president Jair Bolsonaro. That's very problematic. It's critical to continue to tell the story of the thousands who suffered and show just how awful it is to live under undemocratic regimes. In addition to being an important memory for Brazilians, the film provides a message for everyone about how difficult it can be to live under dictatorships.
As Fernanda put it in her acceptance speech at the Golden Globes for best dramatic actress: “There’s something that is happening now in the world with so much fear. And this is a film that helps us to think how to survive in tough times like this.”
p.s.: The movie “I'm Still Here” is based on a book written by the son of Rubens Paiva who is a writer and journalist. I read this book 10 years ago, when it was released and it is pretty good. The only problem is that there's no English translation, that's why it’s not today’s "What to read?”. But if you can read in Portuguese, I really recommend reading “Ainda estou aqui” before watching the movie.
The Dark Side of Skin by Jeferson Tenório
In this book written by a son to a recently deceased father, he recalls his father's life and death as well as the lives of his mother and other family members. All of them are deeply connected by the experience of being black in Brazil.
It's a moving and well-constructed book, with realistic characters even if it has a different approach. Since the book is written as a "conversation" between Pedro and his father, the writer narrates the book in the second person: you.
If you have never read a Brazilian book, this is definitely one I can recommend as being your first one.
I'm Still Here (2025)
In the 1970s Rio de Janeiro, during the military dictatorship, former deputy Rubens Paiva was taken from his home by soldiers to be interrogated. He was never found again. Eunice Paiva lived her life taking care of her five children and trying to find out what had happened to her husband showing immense resilience under such dire circumstances.
Watch it in the cinema. Unfortunately, it hasn't yet been released here in Belgium, but I hope you have better luck where you are.
The Regime (HBO Max)
A fictional east European country's Chancellor Elena Vernham (Kate Winslet) lives like a queen in this HBO show. She is a dictator in all but name, with gripping power over the people who work for her at her palace and the country's population. After taking a brutal killer under her wings, her behaviour seems to get more and more erratic. But as the episodes progress on we understand that that's just how she has always been.
I'm still missing two episodes to finish it, but so far, a pretty different story from the sameness of streaming.
The fact that she is incredibly funny and a living meme helps
I have started writing about this phenomenon of Brazillian-bait, but I'm not sure it will interest a lot of people. Maybe I'll write about it in the future.
Those coups were also, of course, to defend interests of imperialistic US corporations.
Or without them.
Bolsonaro during her impeachment process said in Congress she should be impeached in the memory of colonel Brilhante Ustra, one of the most awful torturers and the torturer of Dilma. (Bolsonaro is such an amazing human being 🤮).
Thank you for writing this!
This film and actress deserve all the accolades and more. I see her face and eyes before me after watching it today.
Feel haunted by the film, it has been a long time since a movie made such an impression on me, has not left my mind after leaving the cinema.
As a woman, a wife, a mother, a person from a country with a history of oppression like a quilt of human tragedy, it pierced through my heart and floored me.
Cinematically it is utterly beautiful, graceful, art, far above and beyond what the contemporary is swimming in.
It doesn’t feel like a film, it feels painfully real. It’s impossible not to fall in love with this family and feel like your rib cage is crushing inside for them. A must-see masterpiece!
I'm waiting for the film to be released in the UK as I've heard great things about it, so your post is very timely! Brazil is a country with a fascinating story and unfortunately not enough movies made there manage to make it to English-speaking countries, which is a shame. Will also save the book recommendation as I'm not familiar with Brazilian literature and it's always great to have suggestions from an insider : )