Looking for stillness

There are way too many online opinions to keep up with

Home Alone (20th Century Fox)

Last Sunday it snowed.

I was looking forward to it—checking the weather app every day. I was born and raised in the tropics, after all. Although I've seen snow a few times while traveling abroad, and have been living in Europe for five years, it still feels pretty special.

That Sunday, we stepped out for a walk around our neighborhood. Snow is fantastic, but I still hate the cold. I hate having to add so many layers and so many pieces of clothing before leaving. I feel like I am a living pile of clothes.

It wasn't long after we were out until snow started falling. The skin on my face burned from the cold wind and the tiny snowflakes hitting it. Nevertheless, I was smiling.

We reached a park and just stood there. It seemed like just another day for the birds, flying around and foraging on the grass. But everything was quiet. A few people passed with their bikes, but I just felt a sense of stillness. It was far quieter than usual. In what is normally a full park, we were the only ones standing there.

We walked home soon after and had warm tea. The snow thickened and I thought it would be the perfect moment to assemble the Christmas tree and lights. Although snow is not a novelty, a snowy Christmas surely is. In my years here in Belgium, it's the first time I've seen snow in December. (I probably have El Niño to thank for it).

The snow and quietness of the park set the tone for the day—a day mostly inside, slow and quiet.

We started with a lazy morning taking our time to get up. We made pancakes and I journaled. I meditated and read the Tarot (apparently I'm this kind of person now). We made lunch and ventured out to see the snow. I painted a canvas that had been forgotten for months and decorated the house for Christmas. My partner called his family and played piano.

It would probably make for a visually appealing Instagram day-in-a-life-vlog, but I'm not here to tell you that my life is inspirational. It's not.

The thing is two weeks ago I decided to spend Sundays without screens. No TV, no mobile phones, no Kindle, no video games. Zero, none. From waking up to bedtime. In summary, without the things I default to use to enjoy my free time.

I probably only had this day because, without any screens, I had to find creative things to occupy myself with.

My no-screen Sunday

Lately, I have felt overwhelmed with information. I love learning, so maybe that's why I'm so into reading, watching documentaries, listening to podcasts, etc. But lately, I've felt overburdened. I receive way too much information. It feels like there are hundreds of voices in my head telling me about various things and what to do, all the time.

Sometimes I don't feel like I'm even listening to myself. I feel like I'm always following what somebody else I read or watched told me to do.

I'm tired of feeling like this.

But, of course, not using screens is easier said than done.

It's one thing to spend a Sunday without a screen in the summer. I would say it's pretty easy. You visit the lake or the beach, you eat out, you meet friends, and you go cycling somewhere. You can travel around. You can go picnicking or for a walk. There is so much to do. So many enjoyable things to do. Who cares about what is happening on Twitter when you can lay on the grass in your t-shirt, soak in the sun, and have a sip of Belgian beer surrounded by friends?

But it's almost winter, and temperatures are around zero. It's cold, rainy, and grey. It gets dark at 4-5 p.m. Our Sundays, like this one where I proposed we wouldn't use screens, are mostly spent inside. So, yeah, much, much more difficult to not touch a screen when we have so many of them around.

I knew it was going to be easy for my partner, though. When I proposed to spend a Sunday without screens he was immediately in. He is the kind of person who has never watched an episode of Game of Thrones. Those rare breeds who are unphased by what others consider cool and cannot be persuaded by what is popular. He hates social media and can easily spend a cold Sunday playing piano and guitar for hours.

It wasn't as much the case for me. Most of the two Sundays so far have gone smoothly. However, as the day was ending and I had already exhausted my ideas of things to do, I finally caved in just before bed. On both days, I grabbed my phone and spent at least one hour there.

It wasn't all for nothing, though.

I felt much more relaxed throughout the day. I don't know if it is just because I felt like there were so many voices talking to me before, but now I could only hear myself, and sometimes, nothing at all. It was calming and I had to unearth activities I usually don't do to keep myself occupied, such as drawing and painting. I also found more time to read and just be.

TV and other screens have always been around

Both my parents are journalists, and they worked on television for most of their careers. Televisions were and still are a common fixture in the house. Not always on, but still quite active. Everyone in my family reads a lot, but we also love TV series and movies.

The point is, I never considered TV as a negative thing, and I don't think I do now either. The problem is frequency. We are constantly receiving input from a screen. Updated information, accumulated opinions from someone else. We rarely are not on the receiving end of something.

Nowadays we drown out boring chores such as cleaning the house or even walking with a podcast. We scroll and scroll through social media. We read articles and opinions after opinions. We watch YouTube videos or television while eating. We take our phones to the bathroom. We hear audiobooks while driving.

We are never alone with our thoughts. There's always someone saying something "really crucial" to us.

I'm tired of this. And maybe so are you.

I wouldn't write a newsletter called Read, Watch, Binge if I didn't love my screens. But I feel like I need a breather. Some moments in between. A break from time to time. It may seem silly to some, but for me, it's not easy. Both times I caved in.

But maybe for you, it is easy. Maybe you are like my angel of a partner, who, even though is almost a Gen Z, can easily fill a day inside doing his things without needing a screen.

Or maybe you also feel overwhelmed. Feel like it's too much. Like you need some time off, even if you need to force it. You can try this out if you want. Maybe just to determine how hard or easy it is. To know how you react to it.

Next year I hope for more stillness, more calm. I want to stop getting caught up in so many people's opinions. I want to hear my own opinions louder.

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O Caledonia by Elspeth Barker

O Caledonia is considered a modern classic of Scottish literature about a doomed adolescent growing up in the mid-19th century. As a sort of unwanted child, Janet lives in a Scottish castle with her family. She turns to literature, nature, and her Aunt Lila, who offers magic and respite.

It's a pleasant book but because I read it just after "How Europe Underdeveloped Africa” I honestly felt very little sympathy for the troubles of a girl living in a castle in Scotland haha. But it certainly draws a lot from Scotland's environment and brings a sense of calm and stillness.

Home Alone

It's that time of the year and what's better to relax than watching Home Alone and feeling a good sense of nostalgia?

Lovesick (Netflix)

If you need a relaxing TV show try for Lovesick. Honestly, one of my favorite things on Netflix although it never received that much attention. The show is mostly made up of sex jokes, delightful displays of true friendship, and romance drama for you to cheer for.

Lovesick begins when Dylan finds out he has chlamydia. Each episode focuses on a different sexual partner from his past. It shows how he got involved with each of them and disclosed his diagnosis, which you can predict leads to akward conversations.